Four circles · a handbook

Whatever the abuse in Scouting left you carrying, there is a circle for it.

Peer-led healing circles for people who were sexually abused as children in Scouting, for the people who love them, for the Scouting adults who were there, and for those who caused harm and are taking responsibility. Free, held online, kept by people who have been there.

· You don't have to tell your story to join.· You can read this whole page and do nothing. That's allowed.

Ask about a circle Read first

§ 0

1Who this is forfour circles
2Why Scouting, specificallythe shape of this harm
3What a circle is likeeight people, fourteen weeks
4Who keeps itand where the practice comes from
5How to aska first name and a way to reach you
6If not us, then whereother doors

§ 1

Who this is for

You were a Scout.

You were sexually abused in Scouting: by a leader, an older Scout, at camp, on a trip. Whether you've told anyone or no one, whether it was fifty years ago or five.

Someone you love was a Scout.

A partner, a brother, a father, a friend, a son. You carry it too, often with nowhere to put it. A circle with people who know the weight of loving a survivor.

You were a Scouting adult.

A leader, a volunteer, a parent, a camp staffer who did not abuse anyone, but saw something, suspected something, or learned later what happened under your watch. A circle for reckoning honestly.

You caused harm, and you want to take responsibility.

As a Scouting adult who harmed a Scout, or as a Scout who harmed another Scout and is now an adult. A circle for accountability without punishment and without excuse, kept by people who have walked it.

§ 2

Why Scouting, specifically

More than eighty thousand people filed abuse claims in the Boy Scouts' bankruptcy. Most of us never saw a file, a courtroom, or a check. What we got was silence.

There is a particular shape to this harm. It happened inside something that promised to make us trustworthy, loyal, brave, and it often came from someone the whole town respected. A circle of people who know that shape without explanation is a different thing.

The settlement is a legal process. Tenderfeet is not part of it and offers no legal advice. Section 6 points to where those questions go.

§ 3

What a circle is like

Fig. 1A circle: eight seats, two of them keepers, one talking piece.

1234567891011121314

building the containerpersonal sharesclosing

Fig. 2Fourteen weeks. Four to build the container, nine for personal shares, one to close.

Eight people, fourteen weeks. Six participants and two keepers who share your relationship to the harm. Same people every week, online, until the circle closes.
A talking piece. One person speaks at a time. The piece goes around; you can always pass.
Share to be known. Listen to know. No interrupting, no fixing, no advice.
Free, always. No fee, no insurance, no forms beyond a first name and a way to reach you.

The circles in full, with questions people ask first

§ 4

Who keeps it

Tenderfeet Circles are kept by Wilfred Henry: a senior circle keeper with Hidden Water and a community justice practitioner in Central Virginia.

The practice is modeled on Hidden Water's circles for childhood sexual abuse, where keepers share the lived experience of the circle they keep. Tenderfeet is a project of the In Search of Peace Fund.

§ 5

How to ask

A first name, one way to reach you, and which circle. Asking is not joining; the next step is a conversation with a keeper, and either of you can say "not yet."

Ask about a circle

If you're not ready, that's allowed. Most of us weren't, for a long time. Come back in a month or a year. Nobody is contacted who hasn't asked to be.